flibbertigibbet nina

...

2012-02-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

picking scabs

and bleeding again

letting it stream again

failing again

and again

...

2012-01-30T23:53:00.000-08:00

there

2011-12-07T00:38:00.001-08:00

...

2011-11-13T18:45:00.000-08:00

round or square

i really don't know

high or low

my mind cannot gauge

red or blue

its as if everything has fused

dying or dead

i really don't care

...

2011-10-26T04:50:00.000-07:00

only for the lonely

2011-09-26T23:48:00.000-07:00

If you find love hang on to each caress And never let love go For when it’s gone you’ll know the loneliness The heartbreak only the lonely know...

- frank sinatra

...

2011-09-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

is gonna set the world on fire, and no one can stop me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....

2011-09-09T03:39:00.000-07:00

coffee + friend

2011-09-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

makes a perfect evening

But why?

2011-07-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

2011-06-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

i've let go my heart...

to keep my sanity.

i've given up trying...

to keep my dignity.

i've locked my emotions

to give way my logic

on a good day

2011-05-23T03:53:00.000-07:00

A little bit lost and
A little bit lonely
A little bit cold here
A little bit of fear

But I hold on
And I feel strong
And I know that I can

I'm getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who I am

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on the shelf but never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me on a good day

And it feels like me on a good day

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on the shelf but never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me on a good day

- a&b

end

2011-05-21T21:43:00.001-07:00

it never ends

it wont go away

it just wont stop

oh, the stabbing pain

why wont it fade?

like everyone said it would

it seems to get worse

to the worse it could

sabrina went *poof

2011-05-01T05:59:00.001-07:00

why so evil?

2011-04-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

you contradict your words over and over again...
and repeat your evil ways...

for e

2011-03-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

something always brings me back to you

it never takes too long

no matter what i say or do

i still feel your here, till the moment im gone

you hold me without touch

you keep me without chains

i never wanted anything so much

than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

set me free

leave me be

i dont wanna fall another moment into your gravity

here i am, and i stand so tall

im just the way im suppose to be

but your on to me

all over me

set me free

-Gravity

:(

2011-01-30T18:30:00.000-08:00

dark somber days,

rain clouds and hale

where is my sun and rainbow?

where is soft wind and the ray

dark depressing days

language barrier

2010-11-29T21:24:00.000-08:00

i work in a place, where they would rather speak they own language.

even in front of me.

is this subtle racism?

i believe so

A mask is a tool to hide emotion...

2010-11-14T21:57:00.000-08:00

2010 : 2010

2010-10-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

broken

2010-10-08T20:20:00.001-07:00

have my heart in the shadow
so afraid to open up to anyone
people can see my faded halo
who can make it burn again like the sun

broken

2010-10-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

have my heart in the shadow
so afraid to open up to anyone
people can see my faded halo
who can make it burn again like the sun

floodgates there nomore

2010-09-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

i did close it all.

i did keep well.

but why is it open now?

i boxed up my feelings.

i pushed people away.

i didn't allow me to keep anyone to myself...

i shut the door.

i locked it up.

i threw the key.

but how is it that its now ajar?

the floodgates are open,

and nothing can hold it back.

the flood has come again,

bringing with it the dread,

how did i let such a little thing break me down,

how is it that it was allowed to creep up to me slowly,

how did i let this happen to myself...

i had allowed myself a little faith.

i had told myself to trust.

i must have forgotten for awhile...

it must have left me that instant...

Maybe i was just looking for something to hold on too

To believe there could be someone to catch my fall

To believe someone would care to catch me

i forgot... i must have forgotten...

*haih

2010-09-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

the closer i get to you,

the more clouded my logic.

the more i get to know u,

i forget the promises i made to myself.

the further u pull away from me,

i find myself finding ways to make u come back.

the closer i get to you,

you have inadvertently been mending me.

one smile at a time,

u mend my broken heart.

the more i get to know u,

my ice cold heart seems to be melting

i feel a warmth again, where there was no more before.

the closer i get to you,

the urge to scream at the world has lessen

i feel more at peace

i dont feel like i am done

i no longer feel lost

the more i get to know u

i find myself smiling suddenly

i find myself humming beautiful tunes again

i find myself happy again...

when it rains in your heart

2010-08-04T22:52:00.001-07:00

when it rains in your heart

no one can see

when your heart remembers days it shouldn't

nobody will know

when you think you are mended

little things remind you, you are not

When u think time heals broken your broken heart

it seems like time never comes

like a shooting star

2010-08-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

like a shooting star, beautiful but landing on ground

to have a pretty looking sight, but creating a crater

in the sky it is beautiful

when landed, a shooting star is only a rock

that has given up staying in the sky

and has decided to not shine anymore....

.....

2010-08-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

is afraid of falling into pieces....

will u?

2010-07-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

will you reach your goal in life?

before time takes it away...

will you finally find your path?

that has been set for you always...

will you smile on when your end comes?

knowing your loved ones are safe....

or will you crumble and falter?

and scream always at faith...

which way will u choose?
one that leads to your victory, or one that u deem safe?

do you need someone to tell you, that where you are is not the way...

...

2010-07-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

listening to, too young...
nat king cole

by poet named park

2010-05-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

How long has it been since you looked up at the sky, and thought what a beautiful place.

And did you feel blessed and thankful that you had been born into the world under such a divine grace.

Did you stop and think of the world we don't know, so many miles away.

Where children are hungry and mothers are dying, because of some political array.

And if you could, would you reach out and help them, hold them, and heal them, and promises them a better tomorrow.

Or would you turn your back, and let them endure alone, all the heartache and all the sorrow?

mine for u...

2010-05-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

i try these days to make everyone i know to see light in dark places...
to shine even though their eyes are dark from anguish, pain, broken determination, or plain broken...
i tell them there are two sides to one story.
i tell them there is a solution for all problems.
if there is none, then the problem is actually a fact.
one you need to face.
one you need to deal with.
bad or good the circumstances of it.
i tell them there is good in the world.
i tell them every good deed receives a another in return.
whether you realize it or not.
i tell them karma exsist.
i try to teach them to understand.
i teach them to listen.
i tell them to see.
i tell them to feel.
and i reap benefit from all this.
not in terms many chase.
i found new friends.
i found good friends.
i found their capacity long hidden by seeing dark in every corner.
I've found many.
and learned plenty.
i pray i will always.
i pray you will realize.
life is beautiful.
take in everything.
smell the air you breath.
touch the flowers the land gave birth too.
be thankful the day you were bestowed.
pray for another just like it... and LIVE

he who leaves footprints

2010-05-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

They told me this would happen. And i would feel just as i do now...
But i refused to listen :)
They said he'd break my heart. And he had NO good intentions...
But i still awarded him the chance
People change i said, they learn as time goes by...
That i believe. And still do.
Unfortunately he is not yet saved.
Still breaking hearts.
Still doing just as he did.
passing thru everyone leaving footprints in their heart.
And they are forever scarred.
Never the same again.
Just the way i am...

....

2010-05-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

change...

2010-04-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Where's my rainbow....

2010-04-08T11:15:00.001-07:00

On every occasion you never speak the words that need to be spoken.
Nor you say what needs to be said.
You dont even imply what you feel you they need to know.
You just sit.

You'll never find the courage to ever.
No matter how long you have kept this feeling, you'll never be able to give in.
To accept if ever, this person will reject your words of adoration is not in your skill.

So you sit.
Never saying.
Just letting it slip by you.
Just as the years have.
Knowing, there will be nothing for you sitting at the end of the rainbow.
Just the question.
What could have happened....

.....

2009-12-20T08:45:00.001-08:00

what is what?
what if were?
why is it is?
is it what it is?
what is it;s what?

i is stupid

2009-11-22T19:48:00.000-08:00

i is need kopi..
i is very slow..
i is kopi need....

i'll never smile again...

2009-11-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

never smile the way i used to do...
never be that way again.
the light has gone, i have no more days.
dark days and darker nights.
and i'll never smile again...

Anais Nin

2009-11-05T08:48:00.000-08:00

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing

for LOVE

2009-11-04T08:50:00.001-08:00

To LOVE is to be able to let go...
To have the strength to let the one u Love go, so they can pursue what they dream.
so that they have the freedom they need... so they can grow...

LOVE is to accept
everything they are, and EVERYTHING THEY WERE...

LOVE is to be there when they need you
to give them the hugs and all the kisses they need...

LOVE is saying 'everything's gonna be ok'
and not lecturing them on how much worse your day was...
listen, dont judge...

LOVE is not obsessing
your love will know their boundaries, otherwise they shouldn't be your significant

LOVE is to grow with your other half. To share beautifull memories. To grow old together. To understand each other. To be each others best friends. To be each others mirrors. To LOVE is to care...

i is...

2009-11-01T05:48:00.000-08:00

feeling like i have cameras following my every move...

Love em, or hate em?

2009-10-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

their velvety soft...
their colour, oh, so gorgeous...
but they came with tears on their petals...
that fell like a stream the nite before...
so, should i Love em', or hate em'?

am deaf to myself...

2009-06-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

i cant hear myself think...
to many people giving their own take on what i should be.
what i should do.
what i should think.
what i should feel.

what about me?
what happens to me?
am i not allowed to decide on my own anymore...
when did i allow that.

i need to block everything out and keep on my track.
but i dont remember what track i chose anymore.
eveybodys ideas have seeped in to me.
sigh...

how now?

2009-05-12T10:14:00.000-07:00

what resides in your eyes
the truth or the ultimate lie...
what do you hold in your heart
the desire too please or too slash ones heart to pieces...
what promises u let pass your lips
or are they sweet nothings to keep me sane

have you heard what my heart keeps
have you seen my sad eyes weep
have u heard the break in my voice
has the pause in my words suprise u

so much has happened, so close too home
so much u must endure...
how much will it take for u too break
or will u stay and keep me with

say what u need to say

2009-05-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

say what u need to say
dont hold back...

when i go

2009-04-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

when i leave, i need all to know i lived...
i've seen...
i've consoled, i've cried, i've danced, i've fallen, i've smiled, i've laughed all off me.
i've loved <3
i've lost...
i've wished and i've dreamed...
but theres so much more i'd miss...

keledek cinta...

2009-04-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

found this having lunch...
is it a sign?

i left my heart at sea...

2009-04-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

i was there briefly...
but it awoke something in me.
this place where the waves came too rest,
has stolen my heart completely...

i sigh at the color, gem like waters
the sand soft caressing my toes
the sun on my back, giving warm rays of wonder
and my heart was set, there, stolen from me...

am back now doing my daily chores...
but the sea keeps beckoning.
the traquility, the love i felt, i know will never leave...

i'll come back my love...
as soon as can be.
for i yearn nothing more than just to lay,
at the place so beautifully me...

who are you?

2009-03-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

who are you?
how do i find you?
i've searched high and low...
i've tried many ways...
i've kissed so many frogs...

who are you?
my better half.
the person who should understand me.
the person who should be there for me.
the person that holds my hand through everything.

who are you?
do you exist even...

colours light me...

2009-03-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

ending of one love story never made...

2009-03-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

once upon a time,
A was there for me...
A was there when i smiled, was there when i cried, was there when i thought i died.
A was even there when my boyf and i broke up, was there when i found HE whom i loved.
A then left to pursue his life. A had a 'soaring' dream.
and this surrounding did not allow that. So A went away and i never saw A again.
my life went on. i thought of A dearly.
then my life started stumbling to the ground. and A wasnt around to catch me.
i had many falls after that.
some i am still recovering from.
but i could no longer cry on A's shoulder.
i was no longer welcome.
there was one time i was blessed enough to find A.
to sit by A. to smile with A.
i told him my story from when A left.
but things were different.
A answered matter of factly.
i expected more.
i then realized i wanted more.
but my expectations for A was not met.
i was heartbroken, but did not give up.
we parted, A and me.
A to his soaring dream and me, crawling again.
i heard A likes where he is now.
i heard A does not want to come back here anymore.
so, all is lost for me.
A and me could have been great friends. even more i think.
but A's left and never to come back.
all i can say is, good luck A.
much love from me....

gone...

2009-03-03T08:05:00.000-08:00

another day has gone and i am still left wanting....

y so?

2009-03-02T08:48:00.001-08:00

i smiled, then i decided to cry. in a blink of an eye.
i was crying, then i started to laugh. i dont understand myself.
i loved, then soon i hated. why the sudden change?
i hated, then i was whipped. how did that change again?
its all a total mess. my heart and my head.
as if they have detached themselves from each other.
like they no longer communicate.
no one has been able to help.
i cant help myself too.
why so fragile?
i dont know...

2009-03-02T08:44:00.000-08:00

i wanna go back there..... :<

my dancing shoes are sore...

2009-02-07T05:56:00.000-08:00

help me legs...
help them please...

there she goes...

2008-12-24T09:17:00.000-08:00

love lost again...

i cant accept why someone wud stab ur back so suddenly.
its like u lover deciding he doesnt love u anymore.
after everything youve gone thru, it ends.
after the tears, laughter,and secrets...
it hurts like daggers plunged deep into ur heart.
really really does.
unappreciated and forgotten as if i did not have any impact in her life.
really feel drained beyond help.
shutting down is a choice being contemplated.
but help came like a gorgeous rainbow after the storm.
my saviors these...

kopitiam cofee in the morning...

2008-05-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

coffee coffee coffee!
everyone just looks at me with one weird look
what? i need my coffee to function...
hmmmm...
just saw sunny walk by...
wonder wheres his little brother.....

well...
agenda today..
stop falling asleep at work...
my pessimistic views of life has to be watered down
or pretended to have faded away...
my work is suffering...

The beginning at the end...

2008-05-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

sighs are all i have all day....
it acompanies me no end...
he belongs too her my mind retorts...
but my heart says otherwise.
he can be mine if i want
but many hearts i'll break
many hearts i care too death for

help me i say
but nobody listens to my heart anymore
help me i scream!
but nobody notices how far i've fallen
the fall is far...
void, dark, empty and never ends...
to fall with no net to save my sorrowed heart
with no savior to save me no more
no one to catch me as i fall to the bottomless pit

i have died, and i have awaken
a walking empty vessel with no idea where to go
so i follow noone
i listen to noone
i am on my own

lost again among the masses
lost again wandering the darkness
lost forever, i dont know
but lost for now is for sure...